Being 26 and not having much of a clue

A couple months back we had some really lovely girls visit as part of their travels on their Erasmus/exchange year they were 20 and like all 20 year old girls had exciting dreams. I'm 26 and I at 20 I thought of all these fun and glamours ideas for what was to come. 

I honestly love seeing people speak about their aspersions. -not hear see they tend to light up its great- I worry though that at some point sooner then they would expect they will have to mourn those dreams as they change, fall apart, and morph in to some very different plans. Though that's not a bad thing. 

Here is my example at 19 I was sure I would marry my English boyfriend, after all I wanted to be in The UK, he was from there, and he was a semi famous skater where we lived, he also played the bass... I guess he was perfect.... for me AT THE TIME ! 

Because by 21 I had just had my heart broken by MyCharlie, I was living in France and drowning those sorrows in a French guy who looked great in a suit. 

*HOLD ON A SEC PSA * Every girl needs to have a brief or long relationship with a young French man. They will open doors, they will take you to nice restaurants and just all in all make you feel fancy, and needy all in one. Most of all you will develop a self confidence that will be useful for the rest of your life.

While living in France at 21, I had such great ambitions for the coming years. I was gonna finish business school, then I was gonna get and MBA or I was going back to France to do a Masters in Luxury marketing then move to London get that fancy marketing job,so I though.

With that thought I put a lot of my identity in to what was to come rather than what was in front of me. Everything was about the future, everything was to get me to my glamours stage. 

Now at 26 I am living my dream and I want to cry all the time ! I think in many ways I ruined this opportunity before I even had the chance to live it. 

In my head I lived in a cute little apartment in the city, it only took me 15-20 min to get anywhere ( anyone who has lived in London is laughing at me right now) my head was literally filled with images of my self running around the city without a coat and popping in and out of gallerias at lunch. 

That really isn't my life. Its lunch, the only reason I went outside today was to get Oreo's to crumble in to my yogurt. Things are not as I had pictured. From the outside things are great, I work for incredible people, I have made great friends, I have lived in two if London's sweetest little neighborhoods. But I get very down on my self and tell my self that I am not doing it properly or not capable of living my dream and in that I am not letting myself cherish this opportunity as I should. 

I honestly can not be proud of my self because the image I had in my head as a 21 year old won't go away.

I think that having dreams, aspirations, goals and plans really do move you forward, they drive you they give you a sense of reason and purpose. 

What I am saying is to have many, if one doesn't work out you have other things to be proud of, so that when one part of a plan isn't quite right you can still feel fulfilled. 

My dream didn't fall apart completely. I lived it, I just didn't love it as I had spent so many days dreaming I would.